Shameful Shaming

I've always thought this was a bad thing to do -- I've never done this,
though when people are "well known" in the community and they screw a little
guy or a small business, the temptation is very great. But it's akin to
lashon hara, speaking ill of someone. What goes around comes around, I
suppose and the person doing the screwing (screwor) eventually gets his/hers
some way, some how. It ain't up to me to blast them all over the community.
But if a screwee, as is pointed out below, can do something discreetly in
order to get paid, then I don't think that there is anything wrong with
that. And it doesn't have to amount to extortion. If everything else fails,
there is no sense in rooting around in the mud, losing your own
respectability in the process.

Shameful Shaming

By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir

Can I threaten to spread the word about someone who cheated me?

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Q: My tenant caused me a large loss by
canceling his lease on short notice. Can I shame him into making good my
loss by threatening to bad-mouth him in our closely knit community?

A: Any kind of extra-legal sanctions should be viewed as a last resort. When
you write that the cancellation "caused a loss," you must mean that it
violated some explicit clause in the lease agreement specifying requirements
for advance notice. If so, the same agreement presumably also dictates what
the penalty is for breaching this requirement. If so, then your first course
of action should be to seek a neutral forum, such as litigation,
arbitration, or mediation, to uphold and enforce your claim.

If neither contract nor custom obligate the tenant to pay a fine, then it is
certainly improper to shame him into paying one. This is no more than a kind
of extortion.

However, sometimes there may be obstacles to legal recourse. Some
obligations may be unrecorded, or informal, or not enforceable. In this
case, it is sometimes appropriate to spread the story to others in order to
enforce our rights. Rabbi Yisrael Meir HaKohen of Radin, in his classic work
on slander, Chafetz Chaim, learns this from the following story in the
Talmud:

Rav Gidel sought to buy a certain plot of land. Along came Rebbe Abba and
bought it [first]. Rav Gidel went and complained to Rebbe Zeira. (1)

Jewish law restricts buying a plot of land if someone else is actively
negotiating for it. So Rebbe Abba's purchase seems improper. Yet the
transgression is not actionable; a court could not compel Rebbe Abba to sell
the field to Rav Gidel. Thus the only recourse left open to Rav Gidel was to
complain to some respected rabbinic figures.

However, as the Chafetz Chaim is careful to point out, Rav Gidel did not
"bad-mouth" Rebbe Abba. His object was not to shame him but rather to turn
to specific individuals who could persuade Rebbe Abba to offer some kind of
settlement. The book makes clear that any intention whatsoever to shame the
supposed wrongdoer is improper; all that is permitted is to turn to other
individuals who have some specific ability to right the wrong.

"It seems to me that if he estimates that by telling other people how such a
person did him an injustice in monetary matters and the like that this could
bring him such future benefit, for example by telling people who have
influence on [the wrongdoer],... it is permissible for him to tell them and
to ask them to help him... It is permissible to tell others even though the
story will embarrass his fellow, because this is not his intention. He only
wants to protect himself so that he won't suffer any damage or sorrow or
shame." (2)

The best place for you to resolve your disagreement with your tenant is in
some kind of impartial forum. If you are convinced that you deserve some
kind of settlement but for some reason litigation or arbitration are unable
to enforce one, then it may be proper for you to turn to specific
individuals who will be able in a discreet and pertinent way to help you
attain one.

But it is certainly improper to publicly shame someone, or to threaten to do
so. As we learn from the Chafetz Chaim, even turning to others in
permissible way is forbidden if our intention is not for reasonable self
protection but rather to defame others.

SOURCES: (1) Babylonian Talmud, Kiddushin 59a. (2) Chafetz Chaim, volume I
chapter 10:13