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Michael Palin of Monty Python - The RIGHT Palin for the Job!

Somehow, the line "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!" sounds better coming from Michael Palin rather than the hockey mom/pit bull with lipstick Sarah Palin, who is a very bad impostor of a comedienne. The next Inquistion under Ms. Palin would clearly lose some gravitas if it is not led by Michael Palin. Clearly the memorandum that Mr. McCain passed out regarding his choice of VP mates got to the wrong people. I am sure that Mr. McCain meant to nominate Michael Palin as his recent travel show clearly qualifies him far more in the area of foreign affairs than Sarah Palin, a distant relative that the paterfamilias of the London Palins had banished to Wasilla, Alaska some 50 years ago when her father, Grunk Palin, insisted on shooting the single moose in the London Zoo. The shame was too much to bear for the elder Mr. Palin, so it was off to Alaska with the lot of them and here we are, in need of a real serious Palin like Michael and his mates in Monty Python, stuck instead with Grunk's daughter, Sarah. Kniggit!

Randy Shiner

Yes I whine, I’m angry and I got my stimulus stipend but I am not buying a gun

View from the booth:
This is from "puddydonne" - I wish I had the ability to write this stuff:



Yes I whine, I’m angry and I got my stimulus stipend but I am not buying a gun.


Sunday Meet the Press just misses the mark. I had time to think about Tim Russert and then my thoughts went to Joseph Patrick Dwyer. Monday, as I fantasized about an impeachment hearing with the dirty dozen all in attendance, the postal service delivered my skimpulus payment. Six hundred Federal Reserve notes. A FIAT FORGERY FOR TENDER. HUSH MONEY!

After checking it for Anthrax, I put it with a few other checks I would be depositing and continued to seethe silently over the state of affairs in my mind. It occurred to me to send $50 and sympathy card each of the dirty dozen as a contribution to their legal defense fund. Maybe I will hold it for 364 days and deposit it. I could update my wardrobe with impeachment hats and t-shirts but I already have enough that are well worn and comfortable as you know I have been promoting impeachment since 2003. How time flies when you are totally consumed with anger.

Getting to reality I would normally take a bribe like this and give to my charities. I was active with Darfur, Feed the Children and some other International Relief Orgs, but a colleague referred me to charitywatch and I was so depressed with what I saw I scratched them all off the list. I must find a new charity. Some ideas have come to mind.

The Nancy Pelosi SPINE RESEARCH Fund
The Karl Rove Soul TRANSPLANT Fund
CONSTITUTIONITIS - The search for a cure
McCain Brain Institute - The search for intelligent life
Wallstreet Make a Wish Hedge Fund
FEMA - For Ethical Misappropriation of Assets
CHENEY ARTIFICIAL HEART INSTITUTE
THE ROTUNDA BLUNDAH FUND - “Send a kid to Congress to learn self defense”
The MEDIA-MAGIC Foundation - Feeding the world by not reporting the starving and dead.
THE HENRY KISSINGER WAR CRIMINAL Rest Home
THE CONDOLEEZA RICE TRUST FUND for WAYWARD WOMEN
THE SIERRA FUND - “Green by Eugenics”
THE POTOMAC FUND - Better Living through K Street
UNITED WAR WAY - A Joseph Lieberman Endowment

Today I am angry. Tomorrow I will whine and Wednesday I will deposit my Skimpulus check and do more research. Good day.

The tangled web: An internet miscellany by Horatia Harrod

The tangled web

Last Updated: 12:01am GMT 30/03/2008

An internet miscellany by Horatia Harrod

Amazon.com's top reviewers

Harriet Klausner, Georgia. 15,978 reviews. 'I have two dogs, a cairn and a pom, and four cats. Oh, I have a 21-year-old son and a husband who wants to, but is nowhere near retiring. I am a speed reader (a gift I was born with) and read two books a day.'

Lawrance M Bernabo, Minnesota. 6,666 reviews. 'I'm always criticising things. Doing all this spares my wife having to hear what I think about everything.'

Gail Cooke, Texas. 4,303 reviews. 'For as long as I can remember I've loved readin', writin' and felt antipathy towards arithmetic.'

Rebecca Johnson, Washington State. 4,160 reviews. 'I'm mainly interested in items to enhance our experience on this planet, so I would consider myself to be "a lifestyle reviewer".'

Grady Harp, Los Angeles. 3,723 reviews. 'In painting and sculpture, in music, and in literature I'm ever on the alert for new and promising geniuses of tomorrow. The future of the arts is in the journey toward finding Beauty.'

Joanna Daneman, Delaware. 2,403 reviews. 'Need a review? Email me. I generally do not review fiction, but will make exceptions for historical fiction, some science fiction, and literary novels.'

Marc Ruby, Michigan. 1,696 reviews. 'I am a pleasantly rounded, middle-aged member of the male subset of the human species. I can be found reading computationalia, anime, manga, Japanese history and photography books. I am the proud housekeeper for one Chartreux cat - WYSIWYG.'

MySpace party horror stories

Lola Lennox-Fruchtman, daughter of Annie Lennox, north London, 2007. Parents-out-of-town party (her father's house). 100 revellers. Damages: graffiti on walls, broken pictures and lampshades, torn-apart books, urine and vomit on carpets, flooded kitchen.

Gemma Anscombe, Worthing, Sussex, 2008. Half-term party. Bebo. About 50 people. 'My mother thought it would teach me a lesson by putting it in the papers. All that's done is make everyone go "wow ur party made the front page".' Damages: drugged dog (Ecstasy); laptops, iPod, jewellery and passport stolen.

Sarah Ruscoe, Devon, 2008. An 18th birthday party. About 2,000 people. 'A large circle of friends, social networking sites and even the radio make communication that much more efficient. [That] things just got a bit out of hand is probably an understatement,' Sarah said. Damages: about £2,000.

Corey Worthington Delaney, Melbourne, Australia, 2008. 500 people. Advice to other teens planning parties: 'Get me to do it for you. Best party ever, that's what everyone's saying.' Damages: about £9,200.

Christopher Worthy, Chippenham, Wilts, 2007. A 16th birthday party. Details posted on YouTube. 100 gatecrashers. Father, David: 'It's all a bit of a blur. I had to take several days off work with my broken nose and two black eyes.' Damages: about £20,000.

Rachael Bell, Houghton-le-Spring, near Sunderland, 2007. A Skins-theme party. About 200 people turned up. 'It was so surreal. I regret everything that happened.' Damages: about £25,000.

Nanu and Vaishali Patel, Bramley Hill, Croydon, 2007. The couple had intended to rent out their empty house. About 200 people came, alerted via MySpace. 'We arrived to find police ushering over 100 schoolkids out the building, a lot of whom seem to have come from up to a 45 minutes away just to trash our house.' Damages: about £30,000.

Most expensive domain names

sex.com - $12million (2006)
SFund.com - $9,999,950 (2008)
Porn.com - $9.5million (2007)
Business.com - $7.5million (1999)
Diamond.com - $7.5million (2006)
Beer.com - $7million (2004)
Casino.com - $5.5million (2003)
Asseenontv.com - $5.1million (2000)
Seo.com - $5million (2007)
Korea.com - $5million (2000)

People taken in by 'Nigerian spam'

Victims of this swindle are asked to provide money, information or services in exchange for a share of a promised fortune

Ann Marie Poet, Michigan. Approached by 'Dr Mbuso Nelson', of the Ministry of Mining, Pretoria, to transfer $18million. Promised $4.5million. Lost $2.1million (embezzled from employer, a law firm).

Robert Andrew Street, Melbourne financier. 'The Rev Sam Kukah' offered $65million to relocate cash held by a Nigerian presidential payment committee. Street stole $950,000 from clients to fund it.

Carl Fratzke, Minnesota. Approached by Nigerian treasury official. Lost $750,000 ($250,000 was defrauded from friends).

James Lafferty, financial services expert, County Clare. Ghanaian widow, 'Eunice Dodoo', needed money to access millions left to her in return for a cut. Lost $310,000; abducted; ransomed in Ghana.

John W. Worley. Approached by 'Captain Joshua Mbote'. Needed to get $50million to overseas bank account. Was promised 30 per cent - more than $16million. Lost about $80,000.

The Rev Robert Nooney, Kent. Approached by David, a trainee pastor he met in a Christian chatroom. David promised Nooney $15million for a church and soup kitchen, but needed to free up the money (his inheritance, allegedly). Nooney sent him about $24,000.

Des Gregor, Hoyleton, Australia. Natacha, met on web-dating site, promised 7,000kg of gold if he paid $45,000 to get it out of storage. Flew to Mali, was kidnapped for $100,000 ransom; later rescued.

Best spam names

Ginger Benavides

advertisementKingo Buckland

Porfirio Burks

Negovan Burnheimer

Quoc Cardozo

Latasha Champagne

Santos Crum

Ny Defango

Bradly DeJesus

Cookie Fink

Pearlie G. Flexibility

Zhong Folks

Natz Frimpong

Horacio Honeycutt

Pasith Monteforte

Moises Moon

Eusebio Parklington

Aristotle Quigley

Santiago Shaver

Saskatoon R. Ferreted

Deandre I. Renderings

Chrysler Q. Dalmatian

Santiago Crump

Kermit Livingston

Unreservedly P. Niggardliness

Balsied J. Freethinker

Recluse D. Layette

Margarito Berg


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Spectacular internet failures

Pets.com Concept: selling pet accessories and supplies. Very popular sock puppet spokesdog. Launched: August 1998. Highs: initial public offering raised $82.5million. Amazon.com bought 30 per cent share. Aired $1.2million Super Bowl ad. Problem: easier to buy cat litter from a shop. Closed: November 2000.

Boo.com Concept: selling branded fashion wear. Launched: Nov 1999. Highs: got investment of about £130million. Opened offices in London, Munich, New York, Paris and Stockholm. Problems: insane spending ($188 million in six months); website was not ready when ads first rolled out; overdesigned website took minutes to launch and was confusing to use. Closed: May 2000 (lives on as a travel website).

Flooz.com Concept: sold online currency for use as a gift certificate at any of its partner sites (such as Barnes & Noble, Tower Records, J. Crew). Launched: Feb 1999. Highs: raised $35 million. Ads featured Whoopi Goldberg (paid in Flooz stock). Problem: easier to pay for things with real money. Closed: August 2001.

Kozmo.com Concept: offered a wide selection of products (DVD rentals, snacks, Starbucks coffee), delivered free within an hour. Launched: March 1998. Highs: raised $280 million. Signed five-year deal with Starbucks. Problem: free service not cost effective if it was delivering only a pack of gum. Closed: April 2001.

GovWorks.com Concept: a site to enable people to deal with local and national government more easily (pay utility bills, apply for government jobs, register to vote). Launched: May 1999. Highs: secured investment of $60 million; magazine covers and White House meetings. Problems: personality clashes between co-founders, brash frat boy Kaleil Isaza Tuzman and wet PC Tom Herman; technical problems. Closed: December 2000.

theGlobe.com Concept: early social networking site. Launched: April 1994. Highs: first sale of stock to the public was record-breaking - 3.1 million shares floated, with prices rising more than 900 per cent on the first day, a market capitalisation of more than $840 million. One day's trading made its founders, Stephan Paternot and Todd Krizelman, multi-millionaires. Problems: decline in share prices in 1999 (especially as the company had never made a profit); lawsuits for copyright infringement and posting spam. Closed: August 2001.

MyLackey.com Concept: offered car washers, dog walkers, wood choppers to busy professionals. Launched: Dec 1999. Highs: $8 million in financing. Problems: slack staff, who led co-founder Brendan Barnicle to send his notorious internal memo: 'All employees are required to be at their desk from 8am until 7pm, with 30 minutes for lunch. There are no exceptions.' Closed: October 2000.


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Unusual items offered on eBay

Gulf Stream Jet - $4.9 million (most expensive item ever sold)

Albert, Texas (the town) - $3,000,800

Former US intercontinental ballistic missile base in Washington state - $750,000

Soviet K77 submarine - twice offered for $1,000,000, in 1999 and 2000 - no bids received

Lady Thatcher's handbag - £103,000

Max the Mammoth (prehistoric skeleton) - £61,000

Decommissioned nuclear bunker in Cumbria - £25,000

Football with which David Beckham missed a penalty in the Euro 2004 match against Portugal - £18,700

A date with Penny Smith (GMTV presenter) - £9,000

'Life on Mars' orange Ford Cortina - £10,000

Ronan Keating's leather trousers - £5,000

Ian Usher from Australia is putting his life up for sale on the site (house, pets, job, friends, car etc). Tempted? Go to www.alife4sale.com

Derrie-Air

Newspapers run ads about fake airline Derrie-Air

Jun 6 01:32 PM US/Eastern
By DEBORAH YAO
AP Business Writer


PHILADELPHIA (AP) - Derrie-Air has been exposed. Readers of The Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News opened their papers Friday to see ads for a new airline called Derrie-Air, which purportedly charges passengers by the pound.
But the new carrier will never get off the ground. It's a one-day advertising campaign about a fake airline by Philadelphia Media Holdings, the papers' owner, and Gyro ad agency.

In light blue banners throughout the papers—as well as on their Web site, Philly.com—Derrie-Air cheerily trumpets its policy: The more you weigh, the more you pay. The ads direct readers to the Web site http://www.flyderrie-air.com.

Philadelphia Media Holdings spokesman Jay Devine said the goal is to "demonstrate the power of our brands in generating awareness and generating traffic for our advertisers, and put a smile on people's faces."

The company will track traffic to the Derrie-Air site. Devine said there's already buzz about the campaign on online blogs.

Visitors to the airline site learn that Derrie-Air is the world's only carbon-neutral luxury airline, and it justifies its fare policy by saying that it takes more fuel to move heavier objects. The carrier pledges to plant trees to offset every pound of carbon its planes release into the atmosphere.

Derrie-Air's sample rates range from $1.40 per pound to fly from Philadelphia to Chicago to $2.25 per pound to fly from Philadelphia to Los Angeles.

Those who scroll to the bottom of the home page find out the truth behind Derrie-Air.

A disclaimer labels the ad campaign "fictitious" and says it is designed "to test the results of advertising in our print and online products and to stimulate discussion on a timely environmental topic of interest to all citizens."

"In other words," it says, "smile, we're pulling your leg."



Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

A Confederacy of Dunces

The Official Village Voice Election-Season Guide to the Right-Wing Blogosphere
A confederacy of dunces
by Roy Edroso
April 15th, 2008 12:00 AM




Sick of political blogs? Too bad! The 2008 campaign is unavoidable; if you know what superdelegates are, or who said “God damn America,” you’re already a victim. Thanks to the curse of modern technology, you’ll be hearing what top Internet buffoons are saying about the candidates—whether you want to or not. So you may as well prepare yourself. Herewith, a rundown of 10 conservative Web scribblers who, by virtue of their high readership or annoyance factor, are likely to invade your casual conversations until the gruesome finale of our Celebration of Democracy drives us all back to our blessed, customary ignorance.

JAMES LILEKS (The Bleat; lileks.com)

ORIENTATION: Suburbative

TONE: Nostalgic

FUN FACT: Briefly lived in Washington, D.C. (“where I heard every voice on the globe,” and also “the world’s crossroads of disease”), in a “blaring trash-strewn enclave” where he “lived in a constant state of nervous dread.” Currently resides in a house he calls “Jasperwood,” complete with “water feature” (i.e., fountain), in a Minneapolis neighborhood that he describes as “urban.”

CANDIDATE: Undeclared, leaning toward George Wallace

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 60/40

HISTORY: Writer for various papers, including The Washington Post; longtime employee of the Minneapolis Star Tribune, for whom he blogs and supplies columns. Books include humorous, affectionate tweakings of ads, recipes, and photographs from the mid-20th century, which also comprised the centerpiece of The Bleat when it started in 1997, along with scrupulous coverage of Lileks’s daily routine (dog-walking, conversations with daughter, unsatisfying encounters with store clerks). Conservative themes emerged tentatively at first, with grumpy-old-man swipes at graffiti (“When I see that thicket of cryptic squibbles plastered on a sign, I want to bring back the chain gang”) and Monica Lewinsky (“I no more care how she feels about Ken Starr than I care how Al Capone felt about Eliot Ness”). September 11 exacerbated these tendencies to an hallucinogenic degree. Predicted New York would be “nuked,” compared a Chock Full O’Nuts Coffee can to “an urn from Atlantis,” and imagined his daughter attacked by Osama bin Laden (“Give me a gun; show me the cave”) and feminists (“I cannot possibly think of any good reason to ever strike a woman, unless it’s the one in the uniform who wants to pry my daughter’s arms from my neck because the state has decided all men must leave the household for the good of the People”).

MODUS OPERANDI: The Bleat remained thick with such fist-shakings until the 2006 elections, which seem to have thrown Lileks for a loop. Now, he mainly weaves weird culture-war demurrers into his ripely worded chronicles of shopping and child-rearing. So far he’s been quiet about McCain and even Hillary, but he refers to Obama as “Cool Brother,” which, given his longstanding antipathy to The Boondocks, is dispositive. Also: “Hillary and Obama; put them together, and what do you have? White. Male.”

WHAT TO EXPECT: Long, maudlin reminiscences of Ye Olden Tymes (croquets lawns, village greens) contrasted with fantasies of the Brave New Worlds affected by Hillary (forced repatriations of girlchilds and slut-servicings of Bill) or Obama (forced integration of Target, Wal-Mart).



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GLENN REYNOLDS (Instapundit.com)

ORIENTATION: Glibertarian (sex, drugs, guns, endless wars)

TONE: Gnomic

FUN FACT: Self-described “transhumanist”: “Once human technology passes a certain threshold . . . human beings will potentially enjoy the kind of powers and pleasures traditionally assigned to gods or beings in heaven.”

CANDIDATE: A transparent mystery (see Modus Operandi)

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 5/95

HISTORY: Law degree from Yale. Currently a professor at the University of Tennessee. Many books and papers, mostly legal perspectives on firearms (“Kids, Guns and the Commerce Clause”) and outer space (“International Space Law: Into the Twenty-First Century”). Began online career as commenter A.G. Android at Slate (“The groupies I’ve seen backstage at rock shows are generally not especially attractive”), where he was praised as “the Pride of the Fray.” Founded Instapundit in 2001, with a stance both libertarian (“GLOWSTICKS AND BOTTLED WATER: DRUG PARAPHERNALIA?”) and pro-Bush. September 11 boosted his circulation (thanks in part to publicity from Fox News) and dramatically reduced the libertarian content. Reynolds cautioned citizens against “being stampeded into giving up their freedom,” but also intensified his identification with Bush (“It’s clear that adults are in charge”) and denounced leftists with increasing frequency and anger (“more than a little in common with Osama bin Laden”). As anti-war sentiment grew, he attacked “Big Media’s bias in favor of the left,” calling for a “guerrilla media” of bloggers to combat it.

MODUS OPERANDI: Expresses overt support only rarely, mostly in reviews of cars and consumer goods. Otherwise cites other (mostly right-wing) writers, adding a few words—or one word (usually heh, indeed, or ouch)—to denote approval. This style is, probably purposely, hard to engage. For example, after a lengthy quote in defense of the 1980s Salvadoran death squads, Reynolds adds this: “makes me wonder if making comparisons to Central America will help the Left, or simply bring up a lot of things that a lot of people would rather gloss over today.” Inquiries as to meaning are likely to go unanswered, as Instapundit has no comments feature.

WHAT TO EXPECT: Quotes denunciatory of Democratic candidates, followed by snotty asides involving Walter Mondale, Robert Heinlein, and Osama Bin Laden. Also, heh.
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ROD DREHER (CrunchyCon; blog.beliefnet.com/crunchycon)

ORIENTATION: End-times conservative

TONE: Cheerful when discussing food or “sluts”; otherwise, grimly millenarian

FUN FACT: Claims to suffer from “Sensory Processing Disorder,” which makes it difficult for him to shop at Wal-Mart. May also be said to suffer from a religious form of attention-deficit disorder, having in the past 15 years moved from the Methodist faith to Catholicism and thence to Eastern Orthodoxy.

CANDIDATE: McCain in 5, 4, 3, 2 . . .

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 50/50

HISTORY: Reviewed movies at New York Post (“Runaway Bride is a runaway bore!”); at the National Review Online, began promulgating “Crunchy Conservatism,” a mix of Christian conservatism and small-is-beautiful slow-food doctrines (also the topic of his book). Supported the invasion of Iraq, which he has since denounced; also denounced homosexuality, which he still denounces. Now a columnist at the Dallas Morning News. At CrunchyCon blog, Dreher vacillates between anger at Islamofascists and sympathy for Islamic fundamentalism, at least insofar as it resembles Christian fundamentalism. Outraged by a little-seen indie documentary about zoophilia, Dreher asked: “What do you say to Muslims abroad who’d genuinely wonder why, if this kind of decadence is the fruit of American liberty, they should welcome what we have to offer?” Though originally angry at Jerry Falwell’s post-9/11 statements, Dreher later decided that “God will judge America, and judge it harshly. And perhaps is judging America . . .” Despite this, he strongly denounces Obama pastor Jeremiah Wright for his “God damn America” comments—which would seem inconsistent, were we unaware of Dreher’s feelings on race, as seen in his frequent denunciations of black racism and reminiscences of how he was once denied a job in favor of “a woman or a minority.” In lighter moments, Dreher regales his readers with moral judgments (e.g., calling a bride who displayed a tattoo on her wedding day a “slut”) and his praise of artisanal cheeses and meats.

MODUS OPERANDI: Despite anti-war stand, he is typically ChristyCon on most issues. Criticizes capitalistic excesses (“How Wal-Mart Harms the Free Market”); however, his preferred method for reversing this problem isn’t social policy but embracing Jesus. Culture war (“This is how the left works: yell ‘bigotry’ to silence critics”) excites him far more than economics.

WHAT TO EXPECT: As always, will vote Republican because of the fetuses, and agitate for the McCain administration to support sustainable yogurt farming.



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HINDROCKET, THE BIG TRUNK, THE DEACON (Power Line; powerlineblog.com)

ORIENTATION: Grassroots Establishmentarian

TONE: First-draft-of-right-wing-history important

FUN FACT: Named “Blog of the Year” in 2004 by Time. (“I don’t put much faith in anything that comes from Time magazine.”—Hindrocket, 2003)

CANDIDATE: McCain

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 30/70

HISTORY: Powerline was founded in 2002 by lawyers John Hinderaker, Scott Johnson, and Paul Mirengoff, all fellows of the right-wing Claremont Institute and contributors to conservative publications. The genesis of their cognomens is unknown, but they’ve been widely mocked (“Assrocket”) and were eventually soft-pedaled by the authors, who favor lengthy dissertations on moral and political topics (“the Clinton-Gore lack of seriousness about issues”), personal essays (“Being a child of the ’50s, I don’t recall a time when Sammy Davis was not a celebrity . . .”), and the occasional attempt at investigative journalism, some of which were howlingly unsuccessful (“Bin Laden is dead. More leaks are starting to come out . . .”—July 27, 2002). Sometimes they struck pay-dirt, however, including the “Rathergate” controversy over George W. Bush’s alleged military service, which figured in the blog’s 2004 Time award. Thereafter, Powerline sometimes attempted to recapture the old magic, most notably by unsuccessfully debunking the damning “Schiavo memo” from Senator Mel Martinez’s office, which was laid to rest with the admission “Real Memo, Fake Story” (“While [it] . . . didn’t turn out to be a Democratic dirty trick, the media’s treatment of the memo was misleading at best”). Mostly covered other people’s reporting from a right-wing Republican perspective, like Fox News with a scroll bar.

MODUS OPERANDI: Having built their reputation and traffic sufficiently, the authors appear to be coasting (“Will Bush Rebound in 2008?”). They do sometimes attempt to hold John McCain’s feet to the fire (“Those of us who want to preserve the interrogation device that apparently caused Khalid Sheikh Muhammad to break down in minutes . . . remain free to punish McCain and/or Graham at the polls for their underlying efforts to ban waterboarding categorically”), but their heart obviously isn’t in it (“Stop attacking McCain for his ‘impurities’ ”).

WHAT TO EXPECT: Pro forma boosterism, with frequent breathless dispatches on whatever scandal the GOP is pushing in October.



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MEGAN McARDLE (The Atlantic Online; meganmcardle.theatlantic.com)

ORIENTATION: Lipstick libertarian

TONE: Self-referential

FUN FACT: Very concerned with diet; talks at length about her experience of vegetarianism and veganism, while denouncing the veggie-vegan dogma of “free-lance preachers in the hemp shoes.”

CANDIDATE: Obama, for the moment

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 60/40

HISTORY: Began posting at Live From the WTC (later Asymmetrical Information) as “Jane Galt” shortly after 9/11, with Randian tropes and denunciations of “Lefty Idiocy.” Advocated patriotism, war, the execution of John Walker Lindh, and the beating of noisome war protestors with “a two-by-four,” the uproar over which made McArdle briefly quit blogging (“-30-”), only to return a week later, accusing her opponents of incivility. Struck libertarian themes—for example, opposing subsidized health care that would treat “the guy who’s been overeating for the last thirty years” the same as worthier sick people—but frequently played both ends against the middle, as when she chided Phillip Morris for introducing a Christmas “holiday cigarette” while asking: “What the hell is the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids doing complaining about this . . . Of course, we all knew that the kids were a smokescreen for the fact that these activists don’t like tobacco, period.” Also refrained from endorsing gay marriage, advocating “humility” from libertarians on social issues and quoting G.K. Chesterton. Enlivened her output with posts about the problems of being tall (“I’ve decided to start my own guerrilla movement, designed to force the world to accommodate larger size people”) and other puckish subjects. These increased in frequency as Republican policies became less popular, even among her readers. Eventually abandoned her previous affection for the Iraq War while complaining that the war’s opponents were trying to make her look bad (“Do you get credit for being right, or being lucky?”). Worked briefly at The Economist; later picked up by The Atlantic, for whom she blogs now under her own name, but in a similar (though apparently more heavily edited) manner.

MODUS OPERANDI: As an Atlantic blogger, McArdle still complains about statism, but half-heartedly (“I just can’t get that excited about the complaint that the Bush administration wants to spend taxpayer money on people with bad mortgages. The government spends amazing amounts of money on amazingly stupid things”). Continues to assert that government health-care programs unfairly favor the old and sick. Has endorsed Obama while complaining: “I wish he wouldn’t tell me things that I can’t possibly believe.”

WHAT TO EXPECT: Will renounce Obama when it is revealed that he once laughed at a Richard Pryor routine with anti-Semitic content.


ANN ALTHOUSE (Althouse; althouse.blogspot.com)

ORIENTATION: "Moderate" Democrat who disapproves of nearly everything the Democratic Party does

TONE: Free-associative

FUN FACT: Reduced to tears at a libertarian conference at which libertarian issues were frankly discussed: "I am struck by how deeply and seriously libertarians and conservatives believe in their ideas." Later, a liberal blogger defended Althouse, who then attacked the liberal blogger ("you obviously believe I simply fail to believe strongly enough in liberal and left-wing principles").

CANDIDATE: No coherently stated preference

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 80/20

HISTORY: University of Wisconsin Law School professor; author of numerous articles and papers, including "Thelma & Louise and the Law: Do Rape Shield Rules Matter?" Began blog in 2004 with posts about law and reality-TV shows; denunciations of Democrats, including John Kerry ("boring us to death over the next 8 months"); and praise for Bush ("I feel a strong connection to this man and what we've been through together"). Complained that Democratic campaign literature was "always trying to scare me about things that are about to happen." Over time, Althouse's style has become more eccentric. She analyzed at length a Hillary Clinton video, finding vaginal significance in its use of onion rings. She noted the prominence of a large-breasted woman in a group photo of bloggers posing with Bill Clinton, and suggested that readers puzzled by her mention of this revealed a "willful blindness to the criticism of Clinton." She also began frequently posting her drawings and photographs. Voted for Obama in Wisconsin primary because his "growing power allowed me to cast off my resignation," but has since posted quotes and cites mostly critical of Obama.

MODUS OPERANDI: Favors piquant reversals, e.g., complains about sexism mainly when she perceives it among liberals ("Atrios managed to summon up worse misogynists [in his comments section] than [anti-Islam blogger] Charles Johnson did"). Defended Justice Alito: "Where are the passionate, Brennanesque liberals of yore, who really believed we have rights?" Frequently posts comments at unsympathetic websites ("Really, why are you writing for [The New Republic] when your diligence and comprehension are at such a low level"). Gleefully attributes baffled reactions to the power of "the Althouse vortex."

WHAT TO EXPECT: Something—a news photo, a quote, a gum wrapper on the sidewalk—will annoy her and she'll go to McCain, especially if he runs with Romney. ("I think they look great together. They seem to loosen each other up.")


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CHARLES JOHNSON (Little Green Footballs; littlegreenfootballs.com)

ORIENTATION: Anti-Islamo-everything

TONE: Unrelenting

FUN FACT: Coined the terms idiotarian and anti-idiotarian for, respectively, people who don't think like him and people who do.

CANDIDATE: None, but prone to close late and reliably anti-idiotarian (i.e., Republican)

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 40/60

HISTORY: "fixed my flat from this morning and got out on the bike. riding for 15 minutes and pow! fss--fsss--fss--fsss. yes. another flat." This kind of lower-case personal reminiscence, interspersed with media and tech reviews, were Johnson's bailiwick at LGF until 9/11. A week later, considering a National Review denunciation of Islamic terrorists, he wrote: "I agree totally—something I never imagined I would say about an article in the National Review." Quickly outstripped the Review in conservatism, denouncing the Johannesburg Earth Summit ("generated between 300 and 400 tons of garbage"), the "NEA's pomo multiculti agenda," and "the left-wing extremism that dominates U.S. college campuses." But he's really a single-issue voter whose bugbear is terrorism, and who will support any foreign adventure purporting to fight it. Was an early supporter of the invasion of Iraq ("Stability Is the Last Thing Iraq Needs") and has his eye on Iran ("Iran's Manhattan Project Still On Track"), and on America, too: was pleased by a 2004 poll that showed 44 percent of Americans believed the U.S. government should restrict the civil liberties of American Muslims ("that's not going to make the moonbats among us feel very good"). Johnson was delighted by the results of the 2004 election ("Moonbats . . . packing your bags and heading to Canada to escape the evil Cowboy Chimp's imperialistic regime"), but was dismayed by the returns in 2006, especially when Muslim Keith Ellison was elected to Congress ("They'll be celebrating in Gaza tomorrow").

MODUS OPERANDI: For this election cycle, Johnson has interrupted his traditional Muslim-watch more often than usual to run pieces critical of Obama ("Obama Fools Mississippi") and Clinton ("I doubt the crying tactic will work very well with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad"). Fairly quiet on McCain, but insists that "I know who I want to vote against: the Hillary-Obama Appeasement Complex."

WHAT TO EXPECT: More reverse jihad, a late McCain endorsement, then still more reverse jihad.


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JONAH GOLDBERG (The Corner/Goldberg File/Liberal Fascism blog, National Review Online)

ORIENTATION: Legacy-pledge conservative

TONE: Self-amused

FUN FACT: Son of Lucianne Goldberg, the Republican operative who got Linda Tripp to wear a wire in the Lewinsky affair; helped Mom spread the word in multiple TV appearances.

CANDIDATE: McCain, duh

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 90/10

HISTORY: Worked for wire services and produced TV projects and documentaries prior to joining National Review in 1998. Shortly thereafter, Goldberg launched the National Review Online (NRO). Writes for the Review online and off, and for other publications. Themes and style were evident from his earliest NRO "Goldberg File" contributions. Prefaced a post on Bill Clinton's Kosovo intervention with a quote from The Princess Bride (which remains one of his cultural touchstones, along with Animal House, Star Trek, and Battlestar Galactica) and took a breezy attitude toward matters of life and death ("We should kill Milosevic . . . Stalin moved populations like I play Risk on my computer"). Later, welcomed "the opportunity to wax Swiftian and offer my modest proposal for saving the rainforest," resulting in a wan P.J. O'Rourke rip-off proposing to "sell the rainforest to Disney" (which "is becoming an incredibly liberal company anyway"). His muddled, heedless style often necessitated a lengthy "Corrections" section, with errors mostly belligerently defended or blown off ("my crack team of researchers is unavailable to me, and I will have to get back to that one at the end of the week"). In January 2002, he created the Corner, where the short-form posts suited his lighter side ("Okay, I just tried to take a follow-up nap"), leaving Goldberg Files for longer examinations of single topics with a pretense of seriousness, e.g.: "It's so depressing that 'people of color' has replaced 'colored people' . . . the practice is just one small sign of how completely the racialist Left has abandoned the moral juggernaut that was Martin Luther King's original argument: that everyone should be judged by the content of their character . . ." Breezily acknowledged his own non sequiturs: "Like saying violence never solves anything, people understand what I mean even when in reality what I'm saying isn't true." In 2007, Goldberg published Liberal Fascism, expanding his NRO method to book length, alternating accusations of fascism against liberals such as Hillary Clinton with insistences that he was saying nothing of the kind.

MODUS OPERANDI: Goldberg's comical persona—once pretty much all he had—is now mainly a fallback position in his attempts at serious commentary. For example, he begins one Goldberg File with the observation that "God, unlike, say, North Dakota, has an uncanny gift for staying in the headlines"; then launches into an incoherent but apparently earnest defense of religion based on the obnoxiousness of scientists and Penn Jillette; then wraps up with a philosophical assertion—"whatever electrochemical signals my brain may be receiving, my awareness of their existence doesn't diminish the fact that I love my wife or that I think love is something more than mere electrochemical signals"—and a joke about a turkey sandwich.

WHAT TO EXPECT: Comparisons of the Democratic candidate (whoever he or she happens to be) to amusing inanimate objects and Nazis.


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MICHELLE MALKIN (michellemalkin.com)

ORIENTATION: Nativist

TONE: Very, very angry

FUN FACT: In 2004, attacked Wonkette's Ana Marie Cox and her protégée, Washington call girl Jessica Cutler, as "the female Beavis and Butt-head" and "skanks"; was thereafter subjected to years of mercilessly mockery by Wonkette scribes, including doctored photos of Malkin frolicking in a bikini, which were strenuously debunked by her ("updated: tracking the source of the bogus Flickr photos . . . Wonkette editors demonstrate further malice . . .").

CANDIDATE: None—McCain's too liberal

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 97/3

HISTORY: In the early '90s, reporter and editorial writer for the Los Angeles Daily News; later wrote for the Seattle Times, became a Fox News commentator, and joined Creators Syndicate, which currently distributes her columns. Has published books about the internment of Japanese-Americans in World War II (pro), illegal immigration, and "Liberals Gone Wild" (both con). Columns have focused on culture-war subjects ("Voices From the Womb") from a more-right-wing-than-thou perspective (e.g., citing "President Bush's cave-in on government funding of embryonic stem-cell research"). Illegal immigrants get special attention, as do nefarious nonwhite Americans, be they of Asian ("Asian-Americans milking 9-11"), Arab ("myth of the Muslim hate crime epidemic"), or African ("Sept. 11 brought home the lesson that vile ideas have bloody consequences—no matter how 'daggone funky' they may sound to mush-headed music critics") descent. Began blogging in 2004, mainly bringing Internet-response speed to the usual subjects, plus a few new tropes, including frequent accusations of "dhimmitude" against parties insufficiently hostile toward Muslims, including YouTube ("JihadTube").

MODUS OPERANDI: Parses news feverishly for offenses to her worldview. Has been enraged by the D.C. networking group Professionals in the City (for holding an event at the Cuban embassy), Jessica Alba (for "making pro-assimilation remarks"), and Google (for bias in news-site affiliate selection, logos, and search results). Doesn't spare conservative outlets ("P.C. at the Washington Times") or the Republican Party ("Is the GOP Lost?") when they run afoul of her on doctrinal matters, especially regarding immigration. Attacks McCain on this subject, often without the benefit of hyphens ("I don't want another George W. Bush open borders type in the White House").

WHAT TO EXPECT: Barring a dramatic reversal on immigration by McCain, will wash her hands of the whole election and concentrate on everyday liberal- and foreigner-bashing.
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ACE OF SPADES (Ace of Spades HQ; ace.mu.nu)

ORIENTATION: Fratboytarian

TONE: Retarded

>FUN FACT: Scrupulously conceals his true identity, but accepted the Blogger of the Year award from 2008 Conservative Political Action Conference in person, looking rather less butch than advertised. Recently celebrated in Time magazine's "First Annual Blog Index" as the "conservative/libertarian answer to the Daily Kos," with sample quote about how "large segments of the black population" are anti-Semitic.

CANDIDATE: Undeclared

STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 99/1

HISTORY: Begun by Ace as a blogspot site in 2003 with off-hand political commentary ("Can you imagine a President who thinks like Al Gore?"). In April 2004, promised a transfer to the new address "right after we figure out how to make our site-design look less, what's the word? ah yes: faggy." New blog quickly mutated into rowdy multi-author scrum specializing in schoolyard taunts, e.g.: "Yeah, Bryan Singer is gay, but that's not really what I mean by 'art-fag,' " "John F'n' Kerry attempts to claim that only non-military pussyboys are attacking him," etc. Nancy Pelosi became "Granny Rictus McBotoximplants." Site contributors and readers became "morons," but affectionately, e.g.: "There's Hope For You Morons Yet: Woman Takes Out Ad To Lose Virginity Before 30th Birthday." Throughout good times (2004: "I don't plan on doing anything except gloat until Thanksgiving") and bad (2006: "Islamist Enemies Take Great Relief in Democratic Win"), contributors keep their spirits high with "not safe for work" links, often accompanied by moral dudgeon ("Something has seriously gone wrong in this culture . . . Ten years ago? Virtually impossible to get a young girl to do this.")

MODUS OPERANDI: Not much changes with Ace. Believes the Wright scandal "belies Obama's appeal to those of us who wish black folks well but honestly would prefer to be left the fuck alone to live our lives in peace"; disdains Clinton ("Seven Year Bitch"); agnostic on McCain ("he would rather lose a war than a political argument"). Has threatened to sit out the election unless McCain goes anti-immigration.

WHAT TO EXPECT: In the eleventh hour, will remember that McCain is running against a woman or a black guy. Then, porn and car-crash videos all around!

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