A Not So Funny Joke

(c)2008 Randy Shiner All RIghts Reserved.


NOTE TO READERS: READ THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST UP TO UNDERSTAND THE TITLE. RS

Julia, shalom,

I hope you had a peaceful Shabbat. I am watching the second of the four NCAA Basketball games this weekend – this is the biggest college basketball tournament in the country and all my (guy) friends are glued to their TVs. Even the Drunk-Driving lawyers advertise during these shows. That should tell you something about this tournament’s importance here.

Anyway, I am going through some old email, and find that I never answered this one from you. I remember when I first got it, I did not know exactly how to answer it. I do now, after reading some mail and journal articles and speaking with people on the state of the Israeli Rabbinate and its role and impact in Israel and, in too many cases now, ours. That it is so difficult there to have a religious, though non-orthodox, Jewish ceremony is impossible for most citizens who are not already “hechshered” by the “right” rabbi, like our ONE G-d gives a damn, is just a shondeh. The whole thing smells of hypocrisy and politics (sadly, the two are the same, yet different all the same) and believe me, if the Reform, Conservative and Modern Orthodox population of this country were told that their rabbis were not “Jewish enough”, you would see defections and disaffection en masse not to mention a whole lot of middle fingers. An Israeli would be the same as an American.

I no longer wonder why the Reform, Conservative and Modern Orthodox movements are not as strong there in Israel as they are here. (I attend a liberal Modern Orthodox shul, by the way, which does not believe that it has a monopoly on the truth, as if any human can claim one.) It’s almost that there is a ban on them there, imposed because, as I understand my Israeli history, Ben Gurion needed the ultra-Orthodox to put together a government in 1948, ensconcing them as the final arbiters, seemingly permanently, of what is and is not Jewish. And perhaps over the years, perhaps, there has been made a silent “deal” to leave the “liberal Jews” in America, and allow the situation in Israel to continue.

I predict that at some point, this will become such an intolerable situation – a crisis for the Jewish people’s very existence – that the situation will have to change, lest we cease to exist as Jewish Jews. I realize as I write this that the foregoing is dependent upon the assumption on my part that the basis of all Jews, whatever they call themselves, is the Torah. And no matter how secular you are, because you are Jewish, the existence of that Torah plays a role in your life whether you want it or not. Ultimately, it is definitional for all people who are Jewish. In the end, the ultra-Orthodox regime’s stranglehold on official Judaism – how that Torah gets implemented in everyday life -- has got to end; we are all one people and the schisms that develop between “branches of Judaism” is just ridiculous doublespeak, based on so much distance from reality. (Hitler did not care what Jews looked like or how frequently you attended Schacharit during the week. Or which rebbe you admired most. He made every one of the 6 million dead.) If that religious regime was somehow allowed to exist here, and we had nowhere to go, there would be even more disaffection with the religion and with affiliating than there is now in this country. I am an American Jew and don’t have to live or worship together in the same kind of shul in a state the size of New Jersey whose religious expression I do not feel a part of. So I fully understand the difference between an Israeli and a Jew. Now.

Have a great week. And thank you for opening me to some new thought patterns that feel better, not just about religion, but about Israel, too. When I argue for a new way to deal with the Arabs other than the Likud manner, I know I am not alone in the world. Just here – where if you publicly go against the Likud line, you are “anti-Israel”, “self-hating” “lefty anti-Israel” or something equally as bad and worse. It must stop. The terror must stop. The rockets must stop. There has to be peace. Somehow. As I write too frequently about things and people, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different result. I don’t know if I got that from you or not, but it is absolutely correct.

Randy

From: A
Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2008 10:05 PM
To: randy.shiner@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Jewish Joke of the Century

Randy
One short comment
You have conflated Jewish with Israeli.
The joke is about an Israeli soldier, not a Jewish one
Indeed the great majority of Israeli soldiers are Jewish, but there are Druze, some Muslims (a number of Bedouin Muslim men serve in the army as well), and of course Christians (from the immigrants from the former USSR)

Julia

"I Randolph S. Shiner" wrote:
To those not American:

Dan Rather is a famous newscaster here in the States – since the 60s and a former CBS evening news anchor. Katie Couric is the current CBS evening news anchor.

From:
Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2008 8:49 PM
To: I Randolph S Shiner;
Subject: FW: a comment on the media


Dan Rather, Katie Couric, and an Israeli
sergeant were all captured by terrorists in
Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told
them that he would grant them each one
last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan, so I'd
like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili."
The leader nodded to an underling who
left and returned with the chili. Rather ate
it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Katie Couric said, "I'm a reporter to the
end. I want to take out my tape recorder
and describe the scene here and what's
about to happen. Maybe someday someone
will hear it and know that I was on the
job till the end."

The leader directed an aide to hand over
the tape recorder and Couric dictated some
comments. She said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now,
Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final
wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the soldier."

"What?" asked the leader? "Will you mock
us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me
in the ass," insisted the Israeli.

So the leader shoved him into the open
and kicked him in the ass. The soldier went
sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled
a 9 mm pistol from under his flack jacket,
and shot the leader dead. In the resulting
confusion, he jumped to his knapsack,
pulled out his carbine and sprayed the
terrorists with gunfire.
In a flash, all terrorists were either dead
or fleeing for their lives.
As the soldier was untying Rather and
Couric, they asked him, "Why didn't you
just shoot them in the beginning?
Why did you ask them to kick you
in the ass first?"

"What?" replied the Israeli, "And have
you two assholes report that I was the
aggressor?!"